You know how some people are really great at certain things, but lousy at others? Well, I am really great at getting pregnant, but lousy at staying that way. In the past twelve months I have been pregnant 3 times. How is that possible you ask? Isn't the gestation for humans 40 weeks? It sure is, but mine seem to end after 6-8 weeks. one doctor thought it was just bad luck since I have had two healthy pregnancies prior to this. The new doctor thinks that I am just getting old (36) and that this kind of thing happens as we age. I disagree with them both. I think that 1) the gamete that my DH provided was weak and 2) my progesterone levels have been very low.
My DH returned last year (August) from a deployment in the Middle East. It was a high stress/high heat environment. Male reproduction and heat do not go well together and we figure that lost baby #1 was conceived the weekend he got home. He also smoked a great deal during that time.
Second baby was conceived over Christmas. The hormones seemed to be really strong and I was so excited. then the moment came that I knew something was wrong. Had an early sonogram and again not viable. I went through labor and delivery in my own bedroom alone with my family downstairs. My heart was ripped out.
So the reason I think that progesterone is key is because when we were trying to have our first child I was put on hormones to conceive. Then after he was born I was on progesterone heavy birth control. Shortly after stopping that kind of BC I conceived our 2nd child unexpectedly.
I have convinced my doctor to give me progesterone with any pregnancies going forward...wish me luck!
My sister-in-law and I were chatting one day when we opened up and realized that we both have a lot of weight that packed on since we married and had kids. Somewhere along the way, we each felt we had lost our identity and became only moms and wives, when in reality we are so much more. This is our journey of weight loss and self-gain.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Where I've been and where I will go...
Shortly after writing my last post I discovered I was expecting. It was bittersweet news. Bitter because of my previous losses and sweet because I wanted the child so badly. The pregnancy went ok. I had my struggles with gestational diabetes and my "advanced maternal age", but in the end we had a healthy baby boy. So here I am 5 months later back to the same weight I was when I started this blog.
I've learned a few things this past year or so since my last post.
I read an article last week that brought to light that I truly need to find peace within myself. I need to find me and what is good, beautiful and special about me. If I don't know what that is how can anyone else see it? I'm starting with small things, like reading my scriptures and praying. Giving compliments to my family and friends that I would like to have (modeling good behavior :-).
My thought is that if I feel better about myself I just may take better care of me which will lead to weight loss...
I've learned a few things this past year or so since my last post.
- My idea of happiness is skewed. I have relied too much on others' approval and opinions. What is said about me and to me I seem to internalize and turn negative. In the past, I felt the need to please everyone.
- I see food as an indulgence not as fuel for my body. When I am alone I will over eat on foods that are far from healthy because I know that no one is watching. Sneaking gives me a false sense of power in my life.
- I have become what I used despised in married women. I don't take care of myself. I'm out of shape, out of style, and out of date. My children consume all of my time. My husband and I don't date each other or get out of the house.
I read an article last week that brought to light that I truly need to find peace within myself. I need to find me and what is good, beautiful and special about me. If I don't know what that is how can anyone else see it? I'm starting with small things, like reading my scriptures and praying. Giving compliments to my family and friends that I would like to have (modeling good behavior :-).
My thought is that if I feel better about myself I just may take better care of me which will lead to weight loss...
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